mirthful forest creatures?

You know, now I think I understand why Art and I are both single. I used to think it was because we never stayed in the same spot for more than a few weeks, but no, it's because we think like this. Thanks once again for making me come to another painful realization Art. Dick.

Mr. D.

OK, so now that I live in the big city I’ve taken it upon myself to pursue the whole dating phenomenon I’ve heard about for so long. So, I’ve officially been ‘dating’ down here in Tucson, which I must say is a lot different then finding a woman to ‘hook up’ with. It’s actually been a lot of fun, in ways but it seems to involve a lot more logistical challenges and expensive outings then I’m accustom to. Oh, and a lot of talking and attempts to understand. However, here I am in my 39^th year as a bachelor and I’ve got to say after going a while on the notion that I’ve had an advanced understanding of the female mind, I once again find myself, well, just plain wrong. Yet, being the positive solution seeker that I am, I may finally have come up with a barometer of sorts for the sexes to understand each other a bit more clearly.

By the way, you may notice I am trying to cover a breadth of topics lately. This is partially an attempt to get some input from people other then the two of us. I can’t believe with all the losers we know, that we can’t get some input, argument or anything on the blog from them. As if they all had something better to do. So, perhaps it’s time to create some controversy.

So, here it goes. It has come to my attention that, in general, the emotion capacities between the sexes is significantly different. I find it to be different somewhere in the realm of comparing the sense of smell to the sense of taste. Most of us know at this point that the human olfactory is leaps and bounds beyond the sense of taste in its ability to differentiate. Most of us can detect thousands of smells (woman actually have a slightly better sense of smell than men, on average and I now understand why), where as there are only a few discernable tastes; sweet, sour, bitter and salty (I might be missing one but you get the idea – not even close to thousands).

So in order to increase our understanding of each others emotional capacities I would like to propose that an average male has an emotional palette corresponding to the sense of taste whereas a woman’s emotional palette correlates more to the sense of smell. Basically, ladies, you have given us way too much credit. Let us say, for example, men have the basic emotional stimulus or ‘tastes’ to be happy, sad, angry and drunk (I’d include horny but that would make this way too complicated and I would lose my train of thought). Sometimes two of these can be combined like happy drunk or angry drunk but never things like happy angry. Water and oil don’t mix but alcohol seems to be the universal emotional solvent. Anyway, you get the picture, we are simple cave creatures, sadly predictable, I admit. So, when the complexity of a woman’s olfactory like emotional palette, which can combine simultaneously the subtleties of happy and sad, anger, fear and joy with overtones of trumpet blowing angels, trident thrusting angry devils and a crisp finish of mirthful forest creatures you might imagine that the male capacity to understand these things may be a bit impeded. Imagine taking a homeless alcoholic to a wine tasting and trying to get him to understand the complexities of a fine wine beyond the alcohol percentage, a lost cause. Or (to regretfully break the course of a one track metaphor) describing the beauty of the rocky mountains to Helen Keller, using your voice. Not an easy chore. A genuine dilemma it would seem.

I’m not sure I have any solutions to this innate difference. I won’t claim to at least, like the guy who claims men and woman are from different planets, what a fucking quack. It’s common knowledge all the aliens are in the white house. I just wanted to point out that understanding is the first step in finding a solution and also to shed some light on why so many more woman seem to go gay these days. Anyway, further challenges await in the dating life I am sure but as long as it eventually leads to me getting laid after a night of excessive drinking I will be pretty much happy to the capacity that I can actually feel that emotion.