A Sporting Guy On The Town

So there has been a lot written already about how Peyton Manning and Tony Dungy "deserved" that win. Fuck that. As Clint Eastwood's character says in Unforgiven, "Deserves got nothing to do with it." Man I love that movie, anyways, here's Art's take on his football watching experience:

So how ‘bout that Colt – Pats game?! Biggest comeback in NFL championship history, right! And I was there in the pub watching! That’s right me, Mr. watch one football game a year and don’t even know the names of half the teams anymore, me. Well, I was partially there at least.

So I got to the brewery with that big wide TV, the din of eager viewers melded with the surround sound sports announcer voice made my heart swell red, white and blue. I, being a wandering woods rat obviously don’t have and rarely get to watch a TV (how y’all put up the commercials every fucking day is beyond me) so this is a special event for me. I order a IPA and a big fat hamburger all ready to sit in and be an All American surly sport watching bad ass mofo. My buddy bailed on me for work or family or some other responsibility a slacker like me can’t relate to but I was undeterred in my quest to see this all American event. The mass adrenaline of the crowd makes the whole event seem like some kind of debaucherous Roman festival and I half expect to see someone get thrown into a pit of lions. Then there is the National anthem with a melodramatic diva belting out some ear splitting high notes. Applause, applause and the armies take to the field.

So by half time I’m three pints and a gut load of ground cow in the hole and the Pats are mopping the field with these bumbling Colts. I look at my watch and consider having to get up at 5:30 this morning which ain’t gonna feel good with another three pints or so that I’ll drink out of boredom if I sit here and watch this blowout of a game. So I get up and leave missing what may have been one of the most exciting football events of all time. Oh, and my job of planting cactus and shrubs at the park got cancelled do to snow. Yup, snow, in Tucson. So, here I am writing this because I still got up at 5:30 and now can’t go back to sleep.

I didn’t think watching sports was a skilled enterprise. I thought all those Sunday loungers were just slothful losers with nothing better to do. But I have been humbled in my arrogant accusations. I now see that watching sports, especially combined with drinking on a night before work takes a great deal of planning, cunning, logistical genius and lightning fast decision making capabilities. I have a lot of training to do if I want to improve my sports watching abilities.