More from Art...

I love this guy, really. I've told him for the last couple years that he somehow needs to get connected with something like The Daily Show and give his rant of the week or rant of the day. He'd still not really have a job, but he'd be doing what he's good at, while actually getting paid. Here's to you Art!!! Now for more of his genius:

Jan 5^th

So I survived another holiday season. It wasn’t so bad this time. I have a 5 year old nephew and 1.5 year old niece, that makes it a bit more Christmasy than when neither my sister nor I had kids – that was just depressing. Why one might ask? I’ll tell you why. Because Christmas comes swooping in at the time of year when there is the least amount of light and judges us on just how you are doing with your life. If you end up at that time of year, like I often do with no job, home, significant other or real reason for living besides raging against conformity for another year, then one might find the situation a bit depressing. Christmas is a great time for boring, do what your told, live life doing as is expect of you conformists. It is their shining light, their time to feel like it has all been worth it. Christmas is no time to be a rebel. Christmas is the alternative living, non conformists Achilles heel.

But kids with their god awful endless energy and constant neediness distracts from this depressing conundrum. They make up, a little bit, from the fact that Christmas is a fucking lie from the get go. It is now common knowledge that Christ was not born on Dec 25 and that the whole x mas idea was ripped off from the pagans. And the same way we ripped off and fucked up the American landscape from Native Americans we ripped off and fucked up another great paean festival. What should be taking place is a drunken orgy to compensate for the lack of sunlight and hoping the earth and universe will be kind enough to give another year of increasing day light. Nothing like way too much wine and an endless ass supply to give one hope in a time of darkness. But no, not only was this simple pleasure taken it was replaced by a fat guy in a red suit handing out cheesy shit you don’t need. Yet another fucking lie. Leave it to the corporate capitalists to take this idea and run with it till it explodes and completely obscures the true meaning of the original lie that Christmas is supposed to be. It’s fucking hopeless and that is usually how I feel on Dec 25^th.

Yet the children lighten up a bit. Make it bearable and even fun. Why? Because they don’t know they are being lied to and even if they did as long as there is enough presents around to entertain them they won’t care. That is what I like about children, they just want to have a good time. So, this x-mas as I sat within a wall of molded petroleum products complete with obligatory sound effects and flashing lights I couldn’t help to think, ‘hey, fuck it, this is alright, my nephew is a spoiled brat but he’s kind of fun and my niece laughs and smiles enough for me to want to do the same’. So take that all you scrooges out there, Christmas can be fun.

Second installment

So, it is a new year. Anyone have a resolution? Hope it works for you. Me? No, I do not believe in new years resolutions. If I had the discipline to follow through on a resolution I would not need it to begin with.

I have the somewhat unique situation of a double whammy new years. It’s a new year, of course, as everyone has to deal with and for me it’s a new year, in that I have a birthday December 27^th. This is a significant new year for me in that it was also my 39^th Birthday. Much like my 29^th birthday it is a step away from a milestone. The big 40, the over the hill age (that was one short hill, can’t I keep climbing?). One more year of youthful frolic, one more year to get somewhere, be someone, acquire stuff I never seemed to want or need. I’m 10 years older this round though and I won’t be fooled again. 29 turned to 30 and much like Y2K, nothing happened. I didn’t get stoned in the streets because my career wasn’t cruising at the pace it should. Lightning bolts didn’t strike me down because I was still single with no plans for acquiring a wife, a house or a steady job. Nope, I woke up and I was 30 and I felt like I was still 29. Actually, that evening I partied like a 19 year old. So, I expect since I still haven’t any of those things I was suppose to do at 30 (what the hell did I do for the last 10 years?) that when I wake up next December 27^th I will still fell 39. Meanwhile I have a hell of a fun year coming together down here in old Tucson for 2007.

So, never fear Mr. D and anyone else who is on the cusp of an age of judgment, much like Christmas it is a lie! I couldn’t help thinking when I was back east visiting my family and friends, all bogged down with ungrateful children, house mortgages, job stress and no time, what a fucking unlikely genius I have been to remain transient and irresponsible enough to avoid all that hassle. Most of my friends are actually happy with their situations and perhaps I would be as well if I were there but seeing all that made me feel that for me I was doing alright. Also, they all took time to let me know to think twice about doing what they’ve done; not in a regretful way but in a way that said ‘I dig your style dude, keep it up’. So, I am doing what I am supposed to do which is never going to be the norm. So, party on non conformists, keep breaking the molds, they’ll make more till the oil runs out.